TIPS THAT WORK

To achieve fresher air in the house without paying a fortune for canned spray,
squeeze a few drops of a fresh lemon into the dust bag of your vacuum.


Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line.
So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor
or wherever ants tend to march - see for yourself.


I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific

When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help
bring out the corn's natural sweetness.

Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it back up.

To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two
of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan,
and bring to a boil on stove-top-skillet.
It will be much easier to clean now.


To keep your car smelling fresh......
put baking soda in the ashtray and refill once a month.

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator - it will keep for weeks.

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket"? She sneered.
I replied in a psychotic tone,
"I didn't know there were any witnesses.
Now I'll have to kill you too."

If your toddler attacks your new carpet with Desitin,
just use a small toothbrush and alcohol to remove it.(Jennifer)

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.


Have you ever noticed? Anybody driving slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.


To avoid eyestrain from your computer......
place the monitor below eye level and tilt it upward.


Lose a contact lens? Cover the nozzle of a vacuum hose with a nylon stocking
and then vacuum the area. The lens will be sucked up against the stocking.

If you don't have enough batter to fill all cupcake tins, pour 1 tablespoon of water
into the unfilled spots...this helps preserve the life of your pans!


I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls.
They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go.
I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.

Unclog a drain - clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets
down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar.
Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.

To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water.
If it sinks, it is fresh - if it rises to the surface, throw it away.


Poke an egg with a small sewing needle before hard-boiling,
and the egg will peel with ease!
And hold that needle in place
with a magnet refrigerator clip!


When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,
use a bit of the dry cake mix instead -
no white mess on the outside of the cake.


Zap garlic cloves in the microwave for 15 seconds and the skins slip right off!

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes
they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

You have to stay in shape.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.

Use a pastry blender to cut ground beef into small pieces after browning!

Always spray your grill with non-stick cooking spray before grilling to avoid sticking!

To remove grime from hands when no water is available try using shaving cream.

Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers.
Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.
The throbbing will go away.

To easily remove honey from a measuring spoon, first coat the spoon
with nonstick cooking spray!

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

I am in shape. Round's a shape...
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
If you have problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves.
They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Polish jewelry - drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and
immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature
and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

Use lifesavers candy to hold candles in place on your next birthday cake!
Kids love 'em!

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.
I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
they are always locking three.

When traveling with friends on an airplane make sure one piece of luggage
has clothes from each of you....this way if some luggage gets lost each of you
will have clothes to wear until the bag is returned.

Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan-
the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers

For easy "meatloaf mixing", combine the ingredients with a potato masher!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.
If they are okay, then you got a problem.

To clean the interior of a microwave oven..boil a bowl of water inside........
the steam will soften grease and spills and make it easier to wipe clean.

Use air-freshener to clean mirrors: It does a good job and better still,
leave a lovely smell to the shine.


To get rid of itch from mosquito bite:
try applying soap on the area, instant relief.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing,
a bank robbery has just taken place.


Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle -
perfect shaped pancakes every time.


Brush beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful\line glossy finish.

If a pill gets stuck in your throat......chew a banana well and swallow.

To keep plants from wilting when you're away on vacation....
put them on old bath towels folded in a tub with a few inches of water.

To unstick plastic wrap.....place it in the refrigerator....no more fighting with it.

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato -
it absorbs the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".


Leftover sauce can be poured into ice-cube trays and frozen.
This way when the recipe calls for sauce, you can defrost the cubes,
use as much as you need and keep the rest for future use.

When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle.
Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off.
Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.


Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray
before pouring in tomato-based sauces - no more stains.


Clean a thermos bottle - fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets,
and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

Clean a toilet.- drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush, and flush.
The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.

Clean a vase. - to remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet,
fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.

If your VCR has a year setting on it, which most do,
you will not be able to use the programmed recording feature after 12/31/99.
Don't throw it away. Instead set it for the year 1972
as the days are the same as the year 2000.
The manufacturers don't tell you this
cuz they want you to buy a new Y2K VCR.


To achieve sparkling windows.....wipe the outside of pane with vertical strokes
and the inside with horizontal strokes.
If any streaks appear it will be easier to tell which side they are on.

Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes
for future use in casseroles and sauces.


Sweeten whipped cream with confectioners' sugar instead of granulated sugar......
it will stay fluffy and hold its shape better!

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

If a zipper is stuck rub it with a lead pencil to make it slide more easily.

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